I hope this letter gets to you in time for Mother’s Day. You know how I am about doing things last minute. There’s so much I want to say to you, especially as you approach your 60th birthday. I’m not sure if I’ll always have the chance to say these things to you, so I’m writing it now.

As I think back over the years, I recall our laughter and tears together throughout the ups and downs of life. I must say that I got more than my fair share of all your parental attention as the youngest. You nagged me about the details of my life, from how fast I drive, to who I hang out with, to what I studied in college, and even now, how I dress for work. It took me the last 10 years to figure out that you really do love me, and that you really do accept me for who I am, even if you have your opinion on things I do. I’m sorry for all those times I’ve lost my temper with you cause I thought that you didn’t love/accept me, especially when I see you wince at my sharp words uttered in haste. Thank you for being patient with me.

Thank you, too, for being willing to apologize to me when you realize you made a mistake. Sometimes our apologies to each other are immediate and brief over little incidents, though I’m glad there’s grace and forgiveness to cover over regrets from long-standing things of the past.

I want you to know how much I appreciate all your efforts to parent me as a single mom. I know the road wasn’t easy, but you gave it your best shot with all the resources you had, and sometimes, even beyond. By watching you, I learned courage and tenacity to keep standing in the face of adversity.

Thank you for giving up security of what you had known in Taiwan’s social status, job, language, culture, family and friends to make a future here in the U.S. possible for me.

Thank you for believing in me. You brought out the best in me, even if I complain at times about your high expectations (and yes, unrealistically high standards at times!). It’s not easy to be your daughter, I must say. But I’m proud to be your daughter. I know you tried your very best. And even though you regret not doing a perfect job as my Mom, I think it was good enough. And as we are both learning to say more frequently in the Americanized way, ‘I love you’, know that I love you. Happy Mother’s Day! Here’s to many more to come.

--With love and respect, from your grown-up daughter (but like you always say, ‘still your child nonetheless’)

This letter is dedicated to the other mothers of grown up kids, especially those who have regrets about not parenting perfectly . . . as well as for those parents whose teens are trying so very hard to ‘grow up’, and in the process of doing so, stir up major ripples in the flow of family life.